Move On

Wow, it has been a year since I last wrote here and without realizing time flies, Kar Wai had left us for 2 years already! I have been writing on my own blog (http://cheowlimaan.blogspot.com/) now. The main reason I came back to Kar Wai's blog is because of a long time no see friend whom I lost contact for almost 18 years. I shared my experience with Kar Wai, told her some stories of what I had been through with Kar Wai. I also mentioned about Kar Wai's blog, I asked her to drop by and check it out. At the same time, I came back myself too. I believe some of you who came across Kar Wai's blog before would like know how I cope and live.

Reading Kar Wai's blog reminds me how strong and amazing I used to be, having the courage to fight despite the pain and tears. I am impressed of who I used to be. Used to be again, it is funny because at the end of the day, it is still me. Coming back again is simply wonderful for having to know Kar Wai, a great person who portray such positive mentality and had so much courage that most people lack. Undeniably from time to time, Kar Wai's images and memories of those days flashed through, I couldn't control and shed tears. Those were the best days and I learnt the most in my life. I moved on since, all the things are the manifestation of one thing only,

DON'T LOOK BACK, KEEP ON MOVING.

For the memory of Kar Wai will always remain,

Li Maan

Li Maan is Back On Track

Here I am today, back on track, sharing my experience with you again. I know, it has been awhile since I last wrote and updated this blog. It is never too late; it is the thought that counts!

Without realizing, the earth moves so quickly which means the time passes so fast too. A year had gone by, noticeable changes in my attitude towards life, I became much calmer, stronger, worrying less about Kar Wai who is resting peacefully in the arms of God. What else really matters?

Writing a story wasn't a chore at all because of my experience and talkative nature. I was too busy keeping myself wrapped up with a new chapter in my life which sounded like a bold assertion that interests many. This transformation is not an act of will; the surrounding demand changes, slowly pushing me in the directions nature wants me to go. Where exactly? I was lost for quite some times; nowhere to be found till my ignorance ended one day when my usual worries about career surfaced.

To be continued.

With love,

Li Maan

Inspiration

Kar Wai's fighting against the Glioblastoma Multiforme was truly, extremely emotional and inspirational that all of us would have learnt some lessons from Him. The truth was never easy, all of us knew that the odds were grim but He took it easily and fought endlessly even His condition was gradually deteriorated. I knew it, together we fought, I was there till His very last breath and I valued the momentous memory to the end. Heart-wrenching, struggled, helpless, speechless, you name it, I felt it all. But only Him knew how it felt to experience the pain and affliction.

I remember that He always said, 'When it comes, it comes. When it is time, it is time. You can't run away. It hits us at any time, anywhere regardless our age or gender. Cast the fear aside as it often appears in our mind, face it positively." Clinched but true.

Kar Wai who had such an acute illness, could say such humble, highly inspiring, motivating and encouraging words. At first, I just couldn't take it but as time went passed, I realized that it was indeed the fact.

He left a strong influential impact on others especially myself. He was the one who gave me the strength, provided me with hope in the most difficult situations and perhaps gave me a meaning to life. What about you? What is life? What is true love? What is really a fight? What is your problem? To Him, there is nothing to compare, nothing to measure the sacrifices here.

Behind closed doors, anything might or could have happened without being noticed or without other's consent or knowledge. Like He always said, "Why mourn? Free yourself, enjoy and live your life to the fullest..!"

I would still describe myself with, 'A teary smile that hides too well'.

Do give me some time.

Still me, For Kar Wai,

LiMaan

Clueless

Whatever had happened, had already happened. Life goes on, keep moving on, we have to look forward not backward. Yes, those words are no stranger to me. Everyone speaks the same, differently in terms of the usage of vocabulary. I sincerely thank you all.

After the first week, I became speechless, helpless, clueless, my energy was depleting, too many came into my head. I finally realized that the sudden void and emptiness was too traumatic and painful to accept. Living the life today ain't the same anymore and I finally realized how vulnerable I am right now. In fact, I know that I need time to recuperate and recharge myself, and I just couldn't. I am a simple person who wants to be happy as Kar Wai had always wished for. And again, I just couldn't. I am absolutely aware of what is going on, what I suppose to do etc. It is much, much tougher that I thought it will be. Some of you might probably have something to say to comfort me, support me after reading this. I could totally understand and get what you gonna say to me. As mentioned, this is nothing new to me. Easy said than done.

A very good friend of mine called me, comforted me, also reminded me of this blog of Kar Wai and he told me that he was a fan! He mentioned every little things about Kar Wai, the memories were so fresh as if it was just yesterday. He asked to me pen down whatever is in my mind, and here I am again. Some of you could be wondering why the blog has not been updated lately because I did not know what to do, what to say, how to write, my response is slow, my energy is low, I am so exhausted and I am Completely Clueless...

Rebuilding a strong person as I used to be is not an easy task at this moment. I know, I do know and I really know...... But do you know?? It does not really matter. All I know is that God makes things happen for a reason and time will heal...

~LiMaan~

A Thank You Note

THANK YOU. Some said it is not necessary, some said it is not appropriate. To us, these two words are so simple to say and understand; even primary school kids know the words well. Kar Wai’s family and I want to express our sincere gratitude for your thought. Your presence at Kar Wai's memorial service was greatly appreciated. It meant a lot to us to see you there. The flowers that you sent are so beautiful and truly brighten the room and lift our mood. Your kindness at this time is deeply appreciated than any words can ever express. Thank you.

I know Kar Wai would appreciate your kind gestures too. He spoke often of His friendships with His many friends; I know that you all meant a wonderful friend to Him and He meant someone special that brought so many sweet memories into your life too. Many of you expressed such beautiful sentiments that I have no doubt seeing why Kar Wai enjoyed His life being around with family members, relatives and friends regardless age or gender. Being surrounded by people like you was a large part of why Kar Wai fought each day till His very last breath and He valued it to the end. I knew it, I felt it too, I was touched because I was there...

“Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.”

Thank you all so much for your kind words, your generous gifts and flowers, concerned thoughts and most of all, for your friendship with Kar Wai. Your support made a great deal to us. Knowing you will miss him too makes our burden a bit easier to bear.

“Life brings tears, smiles, and memories : the tears dry, the smile fades, but the memories live on forever.”

Sincerely Regards,

Chew Family & LiMaan

limaan@gmail.com

FOR KAR WAI, FOREVER

Some speak your name now as a past memory,
But the truth is, you'll live on forever,
Let it be known that til the very end,
You fought for life and nothing lesser.

Your daily battles we might not comprehend,
But inspired us you did without a doubt,
Behind your smile, there was always hope,
I am awed to this day in your journey throughout.

Your perseverance did not start with a disease,
In fact, it had started with life itself,
But through the times, the good and the bad,
You saw them through with confidence in yourself.

Gentle and strong, open and kind,
These are the words to remember you by,
You accepted all with open arms,
Without sense of doubt or prejudice in mind.

Alas! CKW, through perseverance n strength,
Gone you are now to a better world,
But be at peace, and be glad to know,
In our hearts will your story be, laced in gold.

Take care man,
Mike Wong Chin Leen
16/10/2008

Thank you Mike for your thoughts and the lovely poet specially dedicated to KAR WAI.
Li Maan

~R.I.P~

CHEW KAR WAI

JULY 20th, 1979 ~ OCT 14th, 2008

The war had finally came to an end at 1735hrs, Oct 14th 2008
@Hospital Batu Gajah, Perak.

Kar Wai had been fighting for a better life for almost 3 years. For His illness, the life span is usually about a year and a half or two years, but He was a very brave and strong person to hold Himself up till Oct 14th, 2008. I knew it was an uncomfortable, too much in pain, unbearable war but He had never given up till His very last breath, He was still fighting. The spirit and courage He had, I can never understand. Somehow, I did try my best and I really did.

However, after all that we had been thru, I came to a conclusion that all these years despite fighting the illness together, He enjoyed His life and He suffered enough. Enough is enough. He is now at a better place peacefully in the hands of God. All of us wish for a peace journey for Him and I know that He will not let us down as He had always been.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for the love, courage, support and time spent with Kar Wai. Not neglecting the love spread to me too. A big Thank You.

KAR WAI, the journey now is on Your own. Do not worry about us.

...MAY YOU REST IN PEACE...

You will be always loved and remembered,
Li Maan